Feather Feet

Photo Credit: Ben Cowley

This weekend I attended league practice, only to find me and one other person in attendance. This is not the norm, but due to travel team try-out earlier that morning. Anyways Peacewar was the trainer and basically asked us what we wanted to work on, so both of us being jammer types, decided on jammer stuff. We focused a lot on edging and being able to maneuver in small spaces. We started out with exagerated backwards crossover then Peacewar said something that would change how I thought about things, "Be more lightfooted!"

Upon watching my 7 year old son play DDR, he basically stomps the pad with the force of king kong. This slows him down. I've advised him to be like feather feet and he is then able to move a bit faster. When I stepped up to play, I applied the same principles to my playing and found that I am able to move faster, but the muscle memory to move my feet to match the flashing arrows on the screen is simply not there, which just means I need more practice.

Thinkinig back to the footage that I've seen, the most successful jammers seem to just skimmer (is that even a word?) across the track and through packs. On my team Alias, and Durty are both very lightfooted. So, the next few weeks I'll be working on lots of cone drills in the garage.

Go agility, and feather feet! 

Mash-Up Fun

So this past weekend, I had the opportunity to skate in a mashup hosted by our sister league to the north, Rockin' City Rollergirls.

I was a bit unsure about skating with fishnets on, but the only annoying part was that the velcro from my wrist guards kept snagging on them.

Overall, I had a lot of fun. It was a mashup, so we had a range from fairly fresh meat up until Team Texas travel team skaters present at the game. We did a 5 line and just kept cycling through. I ended up alternating jamming and blocking when it was my turn to play, I think ideally, that's what I like to do, jam a little and block a little. So, maybe I'll make a good relief jammer?

I played on the same team as my teammate, Durty and she also mentioned the same thing. I guess I've put so much pressure on myself to skate hard first to get drafted, and now to prove my worth to my team (which I know is soooo unecessary, but it's totally self-imposed), that I've not felt the fun part about playing a game. I wasn't being judged this game, I didn't need to prove myself to anyone, and I felt successful most of the time. I think all of this contributed to the fun factor.

I went into the game with 2 goals for each of the positions that I would play:

Jammer goals:
Juke and move feet and use speed changes at tripods and don't get knocked out at the top of the pack.
I Think I did fairly well at juking and quickly moving my feet. And I did stop my momentum a couple of times at the front of the pack and got out - but I also did get knocked out about equally. 

Blocker goals:
Stay with a buddy and block/play offense low and dig hard. I think I was actually pretty successful in all of these areas. Never was I alone, and I was able to contain and track lots of jammers multiple times.

Offensive Blocker goals:
Break formations and contain to clear lane for jammer. I was actually kind of glad to have just practiced containing and playing offense this past week at practice, so it was nice being able to put those into action. 

Overall, the game was a comfortable level of game play for me. I was able to feel effective with the current skillset that I have. Now that I've had this confidence boost, time to amp up the intensity and become more confident to play at the level of my league-mates.

Tear gave me some homework to work on and so tonight, I watched the last BOTAS Texas vs. Montana game at half speed and pause to predict what was going to happen. I'm going to continue doing this so that I can just learn the game even better.

***
At the afterparty, I got a chance to talk with some of the skaters I used to skate in rec league when I started out the first time. I also got a chance to talk with a retired heartbreaker, who is super fun and cool. One of them mentioned that I am the last home grown skater to have been drafted onto a home team. While it is true, I don't want it to stay that way. Hopefully our rec program will be able to start up soon and will attract a new wave of derby players. Derby just makes life better!

I also got a chance to watch a juniors game and that was so inspiring to watch. While skating around in their awkward-because-still-growing bodies, I thought about how many of the skaters who are thriving in derby would've never been able to play any other more traditional sports that are available to kids that way. What an empowering thing; another reason why derby makes life better!

Go Away, Negative Self-Talk!

The 30 minute drive back home tonight was rough. Not gonna lie. Tonight we worked on how to maintain your formation against offense. I was a blocker. I pretty much sucked.

I'm trying to process all the feelings and I think it boils down to these points:

• I'm feeling frustrated because I'm not good at derby yet. I've basically jumped from playing at a level equivalent to middle school baseball to playing at the level  of  the minor league (with major league players included) in about 6 months. Self doubt about me not being ready for the premier league creeps in on days like these. I really have to be careful about not thinking that everyone is at a higher experience level. Instead, I need to see this as a growing opportunity. 
• I don't want to be the weakest link on the team. I've always been at least above average at everything that I've done and being the worst at this point isn't the best feeling. Thoughts about my teammates wondering if drafting me was the right choice definitely creeps in all the time. And then in a post practice chat, my captain tells me tonight that everyone on the team has patience for me and that I should just keep working and learning at my own pace. That was exactly what I needed to hear. 

So really, after processing everything, it all boils down to a pride thing. I want to look good, I want to be good like...now.

But this is a really good reminder to myself and a great lesson to show my kids how being good at something comes from hard work. My 7 and 5 year old have been working on martial arts for a year now. My 7 year old was convinced that after 1 year of training, he can take down any bad guy if he needed to. So we both have gotten good reality checks lately. 

Roller derby has really brought out the insecurities that I've had about myself that I've maybe covered up for many years. The effects of having non-involved parents, not living or attending the same school for more than 2 years at a time, I realized, has made me very insecure about myself, and more specifically I have self-esteem issues to the point where I often wonder why anyone would want to be my friend. 

But I have to realize that my worth does not come from other people. I don't have to do things for them, or be like them for them to call me friend. My worth comes from the one who has created me. I am a hard worker who is faithful to whatever I get involved in. I need to remember to just be myself and try my best and that's all I really have to do. 

Anyways, in the meantime, I'm going to just keep skating.

I signed up for a mash-up so I'm super excited to get more playtime. I'm sure I'll make a post about it afterwards. 

Learning the Ropes Still

Do you remember when you first started to drive and everything you did from staying in the lane, applying the breaks, to finding the blinkers took a conscious effort on your part? At this point, playing roller derby still feels like that. I'm still waiting for the moment when things just click and become second nature.

For example, the past 2 practices, the coaches have me trying out the role of jammer more. On the track, it just feels crazy. I'm looking for holes, I have people blocking me, I have people pushing me, there's the other jammer that I have to keep an eye on, and then there's my pivot that I also have to be aware of. It's overwhelming at times. I know I have a lot to work on: move my feet more, hit the wall with more force, get low, just to name a few. And sometimes I just don't even know where to start.

It was definitely helpful today when Hauss pulled me aside and told me that I need to focus on not getting hit out, especially when I'm at the front of the pack. Ok, after a few rounds, I'm more conscious about it and then in a jam where I got out of the pack, I got hit out again at the apex by a rogue blocker. She then pulled me aside and said that I now need to work on not getting hit out at the apex when I exit the pack.

Just having someone tell me what to focus on is so helpful. One day, I'll become awesome at more things and will probably be able to see where I need to improve, but right now as I have lots of things to work on, it's definitely nice to have some just tell me what the next best thing to improve is.

1 Month Update

I wish I could say that things are going awesome. But the whole limbo status on jamming or blocking is really making me anxious. After our scrimmage on Monday I had a goals meeting with our captains and I was told to focus on both jamming and blocking. So, I could take it as a compliment and go with the idea that I am a versatile player, or most likely, the case would be that I just need work on all the things and lots of it. I'm pretty sure it's the latter.

So, as you can imagine, this does not leave me feeling great about myself right now.

Hurdle #1 
I lack experience. Everyone on my team has had at least 1 year of experience playing derby on a team. I have 0. In fact, I've played in less than 7 scrimmages/games in my whole derby career. I've been in the rec league for a long time, so I've been able to pick up skills pretty well, but when it comes to game play, I'm like a baby.

Solution #1: Watch more derby, specifically games that involve my team. I've been watching higher level derby and each team has very specific strategies that I can't implement right now because it's not what my team does. But I know it'll be helpful when I get more seasoned...just not right now.

Hurdle #2
I weigh 125 pounds. I know people in my league who could easily squat, bench press, or leg press double, triple, and even quadruple my weight. When it counts, I could easily be tossed across the track.

Solution #2
Even if I gained another 10-20 pounds, it would not give me a noticeable boost in performance. I really need to work on strength and agility and always getting lower to be more stable. I'm going to look into getting a workout to do on my own at the gym. It's not going to be as fun/interesting as zumba or body pump, but I think it'll give me the extra umph that I need on the track.

Hurdle #3
Our team already has a lot of jammers, but the thought of not being able to jam again crushes my soul.

Solution #3a
The team needs me as a blocker so I'll develop more as a blocker for now.

Solution #3b
I really try hard to develop both skills and mainly block but also jam occasionally (if that is OK with the team).

Solution #3c
Focus training as a jammer, and while I may not play in games much this year, I'll be ready next year.


I wish that when the derby sorting hat determined my home team, it would've revealed what position I would be best suited for as well. 

I have a lot more hurdles to get past, but currently, I think these are the big ones.  I'm glad to have solutions for each of my current hurdles. The last one will need some flushing out, but I now have options.

I have to remind myself not to compare myself to the skaters who have skated almost a decade. While they make it look so easy, I know that they all went through what I'm going through. One day it'll just click. I'm hoping that day comes soon.

Miso

First Week of Practice as a Heartbreaker in the Books!

It's probably only been 2-3 weeks since I last put on skates, but even when I was in Chicago visiting family, I was kicking myself about not packing my skates in the suitcase.

I am addicted.

So the first league practice was perfect. Peacewar and Anita Riot, both amazing veteran skaters, led practice. It was the perfect practice to help everyone ease back into the season,  but it also pushed us a bit to remind us that there's going to be hard work ahead of us. I left practice just beaming from ear to ear. It was soooo nice to be able to just skate and not worry about being constantly watched and assessed. 

Tonight we had our first official team practice. As we had our team meeting before practice Trigger announces that our jammer coach is going to be...

wait for it....

....

...

Hauss the Boss!

I'm just going to let this sink in just a little bit.

Hauss has been one of my derby idols ever since I learned about derby. Her intensity, agile footwork, and overall chill demeanor is why I admire her. Today, I decided to try out the hardest cushions just to get a feel for what it feels like, well, I completely hated it because I couldn't skate so I swapped them out during practice. Hauss came over and just helped me swap things out and then talked to me about my different jamming styles.

So, I think this changes everything. I am a firm believer of listening to signs from the universe, especially when I am unsure about a decision. 

So our team is going to have everyone try out different positions before an official assignment is made. I think by the middle of February, everyone will have a good idea of what they will be doing on the track. This is great, because this will give me a chance to see where my strengths and weaknesses are with my team. My team...I love it. During drills, I've been rotating to jammer positions about 20% of the time. I think I'm going to up that to at least 50% and see how that goes. And then at the end of this trial period, I'll let the captains/coaches decide where I would be the most beneficial to the team.
Anyways, just had to jot this exciting moment down, even though it is now 12:47 and one of my goals this year is to be in bed by 11 pm. Ha! 

First League Practice of 2020 Tomorrow!

It's been only 3 weeks since I've last skated, and I'm just itching to get back out on the court to play some derby. I think what I'm looking forward to is the crazy amount of growth that I hopefully will see this season. I often compare this to the process of learning to drive a car. Back in the days driver's Ed, I had to consciously think about turning, or say things like Ok, press down on the brakes, but sloowly. Right now, I think I'm kind of at that state. Many things are not quite auto pilot for me yet, but I'm looking forward to the day when things do and I can really focus more on strategy.

To compensate for my lack of game experience, I took the past 3 weeks to watch as much derby on youtube as possible, paying attention to starts and for some jams, I would follow players who are also smaller in stature like me. I've also been trying to read up on as many derby articles and blogs as possible.

I got new skates! Glitter at Medusa Skates got me set up with a shiny pair of Antik AR2 boots, with platinum Arius plates and I kept my super gumballs from my previous skates.

I have skated in them for 1 team practice, made some adjustments and I'm looking forward to getting to know "Artie" a little better in 2020. I'm thinking about painting the white part on the boots gold just to make it a bit fancier, but I like the pop of color from the new thicker laces that I bought. 

I think I mainly need to re-learn stopping. Plows are a bit tricky right now, but I think my leg just needs to learn how to stop with the new plates. I do feel way more agile and I can actually propel myself with one footed slaloms. I've been doing some toe-stop work the past few days and blisters are a thing of the past. I'm still figuring out what color cushions to use and currently I have the white ones. 

Well, I'm sure I'll make a post after practice this week. My name is officially on the website now as being a Honky Tonk Heartbreaker, so that's exciting!