Feather Feet

Photo Credit: Ben Cowley

This weekend I attended league practice, only to find me and one other person in attendance. This is not the norm, but due to travel team try-out earlier that morning. Anyways Peacewar was the trainer and basically asked us what we wanted to work on, so both of us being jammer types, decided on jammer stuff. We focused a lot on edging and being able to maneuver in small spaces. We started out with exagerated backwards crossover then Peacewar said something that would change how I thought about things, "Be more lightfooted!"

Upon watching my 7 year old son play DDR, he basically stomps the pad with the force of king kong. This slows him down. I've advised him to be like feather feet and he is then able to move a bit faster. When I stepped up to play, I applied the same principles to my playing and found that I am able to move faster, but the muscle memory to move my feet to match the flashing arrows on the screen is simply not there, which just means I need more practice.

Thinkinig back to the footage that I've seen, the most successful jammers seem to just skimmer (is that even a word?) across the track and through packs. On my team Alias, and Durty are both very lightfooted. So, the next few weeks I'll be working on lots of cone drills in the garage.

Go agility, and feather feet! 

Mash-Up Fun

So this past weekend, I had the opportunity to skate in a mashup hosted by our sister league to the north, Rockin' City Rollergirls.

I was a bit unsure about skating with fishnets on, but the only annoying part was that the velcro from my wrist guards kept snagging on them.

Overall, I had a lot of fun. It was a mashup, so we had a range from fairly fresh meat up until Team Texas travel team skaters present at the game. We did a 5 line and just kept cycling through. I ended up alternating jamming and blocking when it was my turn to play, I think ideally, that's what I like to do, jam a little and block a little. So, maybe I'll make a good relief jammer?

I played on the same team as my teammate, Durty and she also mentioned the same thing. I guess I've put so much pressure on myself to skate hard first to get drafted, and now to prove my worth to my team (which I know is soooo unecessary, but it's totally self-imposed), that I've not felt the fun part about playing a game. I wasn't being judged this game, I didn't need to prove myself to anyone, and I felt successful most of the time. I think all of this contributed to the fun factor.

I went into the game with 2 goals for each of the positions that I would play:

Jammer goals:
Juke and move feet and use speed changes at tripods and don't get knocked out at the top of the pack.
I Think I did fairly well at juking and quickly moving my feet. And I did stop my momentum a couple of times at the front of the pack and got out - but I also did get knocked out about equally. 

Blocker goals:
Stay with a buddy and block/play offense low and dig hard. I think I was actually pretty successful in all of these areas. Never was I alone, and I was able to contain and track lots of jammers multiple times.

Offensive Blocker goals:
Break formations and contain to clear lane for jammer. I was actually kind of glad to have just practiced containing and playing offense this past week at practice, so it was nice being able to put those into action. 

Overall, the game was a comfortable level of game play for me. I was able to feel effective with the current skillset that I have. Now that I've had this confidence boost, time to amp up the intensity and become more confident to play at the level of my league-mates.

Tear gave me some homework to work on and so tonight, I watched the last BOTAS Texas vs. Montana game at half speed and pause to predict what was going to happen. I'm going to continue doing this so that I can just learn the game even better.

***
At the afterparty, I got a chance to talk with some of the skaters I used to skate in rec league when I started out the first time. I also got a chance to talk with a retired heartbreaker, who is super fun and cool. One of them mentioned that I am the last home grown skater to have been drafted onto a home team. While it is true, I don't want it to stay that way. Hopefully our rec program will be able to start up soon and will attract a new wave of derby players. Derby just makes life better!

I also got a chance to watch a juniors game and that was so inspiring to watch. While skating around in their awkward-because-still-growing bodies, I thought about how many of the skaters who are thriving in derby would've never been able to play any other more traditional sports that are available to kids that way. What an empowering thing; another reason why derby makes life better!

Go Away, Negative Self-Talk!

The 30 minute drive back home tonight was rough. Not gonna lie. Tonight we worked on how to maintain your formation against offense. I was a blocker. I pretty much sucked.

I'm trying to process all the feelings and I think it boils down to these points:

• I'm feeling frustrated because I'm not good at derby yet. I've basically jumped from playing at a level equivalent to middle school baseball to playing at the level  of  the minor league (with major league players included) in about 6 months. Self doubt about me not being ready for the premier league creeps in on days like these. I really have to be careful about not thinking that everyone is at a higher experience level. Instead, I need to see this as a growing opportunity. 
• I don't want to be the weakest link on the team. I've always been at least above average at everything that I've done and being the worst at this point isn't the best feeling. Thoughts about my teammates wondering if drafting me was the right choice definitely creeps in all the time. And then in a post practice chat, my captain tells me tonight that everyone on the team has patience for me and that I should just keep working and learning at my own pace. That was exactly what I needed to hear. 

So really, after processing everything, it all boils down to a pride thing. I want to look good, I want to be good like...now.

But this is a really good reminder to myself and a great lesson to show my kids how being good at something comes from hard work. My 7 and 5 year old have been working on martial arts for a year now. My 7 year old was convinced that after 1 year of training, he can take down any bad guy if he needed to. So we both have gotten good reality checks lately. 

Roller derby has really brought out the insecurities that I've had about myself that I've maybe covered up for many years. The effects of having non-involved parents, not living or attending the same school for more than 2 years at a time, I realized, has made me very insecure about myself, and more specifically I have self-esteem issues to the point where I often wonder why anyone would want to be my friend. 

But I have to realize that my worth does not come from other people. I don't have to do things for them, or be like them for them to call me friend. My worth comes from the one who has created me. I am a hard worker who is faithful to whatever I get involved in. I need to remember to just be myself and try my best and that's all I really have to do. 

Anyways, in the meantime, I'm going to just keep skating.

I signed up for a mash-up so I'm super excited to get more playtime. I'm sure I'll make a post about it afterwards. 

Learning the Ropes Still

Do you remember when you first started to drive and everything you did from staying in the lane, applying the breaks, to finding the blinkers took a conscious effort on your part? At this point, playing roller derby still feels like that. I'm still waiting for the moment when things just click and become second nature.

For example, the past 2 practices, the coaches have me trying out the role of jammer more. On the track, it just feels crazy. I'm looking for holes, I have people blocking me, I have people pushing me, there's the other jammer that I have to keep an eye on, and then there's my pivot that I also have to be aware of. It's overwhelming at times. I know I have a lot to work on: move my feet more, hit the wall with more force, get low, just to name a few. And sometimes I just don't even know where to start.

It was definitely helpful today when Hauss pulled me aside and told me that I need to focus on not getting hit out, especially when I'm at the front of the pack. Ok, after a few rounds, I'm more conscious about it and then in a jam where I got out of the pack, I got hit out again at the apex by a rogue blocker. She then pulled me aside and said that I now need to work on not getting hit out at the apex when I exit the pack.

Just having someone tell me what to focus on is so helpful. One day, I'll become awesome at more things and will probably be able to see where I need to improve, but right now as I have lots of things to work on, it's definitely nice to have some just tell me what the next best thing to improve is.

1 Month Update

I wish I could say that things are going awesome. But the whole limbo status on jamming or blocking is really making me anxious. After our scrimmage on Monday I had a goals meeting with our captains and I was told to focus on both jamming and blocking. So, I could take it as a compliment and go with the idea that I am a versatile player, or most likely, the case would be that I just need work on all the things and lots of it. I'm pretty sure it's the latter.

So, as you can imagine, this does not leave me feeling great about myself right now.

Hurdle #1 
I lack experience. Everyone on my team has had at least 1 year of experience playing derby on a team. I have 0. In fact, I've played in less than 7 scrimmages/games in my whole derby career. I've been in the rec league for a long time, so I've been able to pick up skills pretty well, but when it comes to game play, I'm like a baby.

Solution #1: Watch more derby, specifically games that involve my team. I've been watching higher level derby and each team has very specific strategies that I can't implement right now because it's not what my team does. But I know it'll be helpful when I get more seasoned...just not right now.

Hurdle #2
I weigh 125 pounds. I know people in my league who could easily squat, bench press, or leg press double, triple, and even quadruple my weight. When it counts, I could easily be tossed across the track.

Solution #2
Even if I gained another 10-20 pounds, it would not give me a noticeable boost in performance. I really need to work on strength and agility and always getting lower to be more stable. I'm going to look into getting a workout to do on my own at the gym. It's not going to be as fun/interesting as zumba or body pump, but I think it'll give me the extra umph that I need on the track.

Hurdle #3
Our team already has a lot of jammers, but the thought of not being able to jam again crushes my soul.

Solution #3a
The team needs me as a blocker so I'll develop more as a blocker for now.

Solution #3b
I really try hard to develop both skills and mainly block but also jam occasionally (if that is OK with the team).

Solution #3c
Focus training as a jammer, and while I may not play in games much this year, I'll be ready next year.


I wish that when the derby sorting hat determined my home team, it would've revealed what position I would be best suited for as well. 

I have a lot more hurdles to get past, but currently, I think these are the big ones.  I'm glad to have solutions for each of my current hurdles. The last one will need some flushing out, but I now have options.

I have to remind myself not to compare myself to the skaters who have skated almost a decade. While they make it look so easy, I know that they all went through what I'm going through. One day it'll just click. I'm hoping that day comes soon.

Miso

First Week of Practice as a Heartbreaker in the Books!

It's probably only been 2-3 weeks since I last put on skates, but even when I was in Chicago visiting family, I was kicking myself about not packing my skates in the suitcase.

I am addicted.

So the first league practice was perfect. Peacewar and Anita Riot, both amazing veteran skaters, led practice. It was the perfect practice to help everyone ease back into the season,  but it also pushed us a bit to remind us that there's going to be hard work ahead of us. I left practice just beaming from ear to ear. It was soooo nice to be able to just skate and not worry about being constantly watched and assessed. 

Tonight we had our first official team practice. As we had our team meeting before practice Trigger announces that our jammer coach is going to be...

wait for it....

....

...

Hauss the Boss!

I'm just going to let this sink in just a little bit.

Hauss has been one of my derby idols ever since I learned about derby. Her intensity, agile footwork, and overall chill demeanor is why I admire her. Today, I decided to try out the hardest cushions just to get a feel for what it feels like, well, I completely hated it because I couldn't skate so I swapped them out during practice. Hauss came over and just helped me swap things out and then talked to me about my different jamming styles.

So, I think this changes everything. I am a firm believer of listening to signs from the universe, especially when I am unsure about a decision. 

So our team is going to have everyone try out different positions before an official assignment is made. I think by the middle of February, everyone will have a good idea of what they will be doing on the track. This is great, because this will give me a chance to see where my strengths and weaknesses are with my team. My team...I love it. During drills, I've been rotating to jammer positions about 20% of the time. I think I'm going to up that to at least 50% and see how that goes. And then at the end of this trial period, I'll let the captains/coaches decide where I would be the most beneficial to the team.
Anyways, just had to jot this exciting moment down, even though it is now 12:47 and one of my goals this year is to be in bed by 11 pm. Ha! 

First League Practice of 2020 Tomorrow!

It's been only 3 weeks since I've last skated, and I'm just itching to get back out on the court to play some derby. I think what I'm looking forward to is the crazy amount of growth that I hopefully will see this season. I often compare this to the process of learning to drive a car. Back in the days driver's Ed, I had to consciously think about turning, or say things like Ok, press down on the brakes, but sloowly. Right now, I think I'm kind of at that state. Many things are not quite auto pilot for me yet, but I'm looking forward to the day when things do and I can really focus more on strategy.

To compensate for my lack of game experience, I took the past 3 weeks to watch as much derby on youtube as possible, paying attention to starts and for some jams, I would follow players who are also smaller in stature like me. I've also been trying to read up on as many derby articles and blogs as possible.

I got new skates! Glitter at Medusa Skates got me set up with a shiny pair of Antik AR2 boots, with platinum Arius plates and I kept my super gumballs from my previous skates.

I have skated in them for 1 team practice, made some adjustments and I'm looking forward to getting to know "Artie" a little better in 2020. I'm thinking about painting the white part on the boots gold just to make it a bit fancier, but I like the pop of color from the new thicker laces that I bought. 

I think I mainly need to re-learn stopping. Plows are a bit tricky right now, but I think my leg just needs to learn how to stop with the new plates. I do feel way more agile and I can actually propel myself with one footed slaloms. I've been doing some toe-stop work the past few days and blisters are a thing of the past. I'm still figuring out what color cushions to use and currently I have the white ones. 

Well, I'm sure I'll make a post after practice this week. My name is officially on the website now as being a Honky Tonk Heartbreaker, so that's exciting! 

A Letter to My Fellow Teammates Without Children

April 2016 Scrimmage

My Personal Cheering Section

This post was inspired by episode 75 of one of many podcasts that I listen to: Power Through the 4th whistle. The episode is titled "Pregnancy, Returning to Derby, and Finding Balance in Life." While I know my team will probably know all of these without even me saying it, I thought it may be helpful for me to process these thoughts and help out any other fellow derby players who are going through this phase of life in their derby journey. 

Dear Hearts,
First of all, I want to thank ya'll for the continued encouragement that you have given me throughout my derby career. This even goes way back to my rec days and continues up to the day when you all believed in me enough to invite me to join the team.

It took awhile for me to actually decide to try out for a home team. You don't know this about me yet, but when commit to things, I want to be able to give my best and execute it well. I don't like to do things half-well or simply do well enough. I am going to give you my best.  As the only mom to human children on this team, I just want to offer you some perspective.

1. I like you. I really do, and I want to hang out with you, but outside of practices, you are going to have put up with hanging out in short spurts of time with me (It's quality, not quantity, right?). Here's why: My three kids are involved in various activities and they need a chauffeur; Steve, my husband plays hockey (and I want him to pursue it as well); and on top of it all, at $15+/hour, childcare is expensive.  (So next time you go watch a movie, be thankful that you don't have to pay $45 on top of tickets and food for that to happen.) So this means I may have to jet out from a team gathering early, or show up to a social event slightly late. Please bear with me, it's a it's just a phase of life that I'm going through.

2. I apologize if I overly share things about my kids. I'm just so darn proud of them! Personally, I think this particular team will understand how deep a parent's love for their kids/pets can go (based on the number of pet pictures that are posted on the chat board) so just know that I know how much we love our animal family members. When my kids are grown and off to college, my phone album will probably return to being filled with pictures of my pets and pictures of my food, but right now is pretty much 95% kids. It's just a phase of life that I'm going through.

3. Being a mom doesn't define who I am. I may generally be a more nurturing in nature, but I'm more than just mom. For example, I'm super creative. While I wouldn't give up my adorable children, just know that I'm a little envious about the freedom that you have. For me, Derby is a fun outlet from my almost 24 hour role as a mom and I thank you for this amazing community where I can express who I am without being judged. Mothering, while I love it, but I need a break from it time to time. The motherhood journey can be crazy, but again, it's just currently the phase of life that I'm going through.

We don't have any family in town, but I feel like my kids are fortunate because they just gained a whole new family through derby. I'm excited for you all to get to know them and for them to get to know you.

Glitter Done!
Miso

I'm Drafted!

Tonight I found out that I was drafted by the Honkey Tonk Heartbreakers!

Photo Credit: Kassy Balli 

Photo Credit: Unknown.

The whole family was there to support me, and I wish I had gotten a picture of all of us at the draft party, but it was just overwhelming (and my kids were using my phone to play Pokemon Go).  I am usually awesome at taking pics of my kids, but when it comes to documenting my own life, I just check out. Anyways, I'll probably post more pics as I get them.

I'm definitely tired as I'm writing this, but I just had to make this post.

Glitter Done!

The Final Scrimmage

Last night, Smash Effect, who was a fellow rec-league skater, but now a Hustler, told me go 100%.  I tried my best tonight, but it was not by best. I am getting over a cold, I didn't get to eat dinner because the chicken on the grill was still half raw by the time I had to leave, and I had the shakes, maybe due to anxiety? Luckily Steve put an emergency pop tart in the car like 6 months ago, so I ran to the car before the scrimmage and took a few bites of the pop tart which helped a bit with the low blood sugar feeling. I took this picture before the scrimmage. 

Out of the 9 women who are in the training cohort, 3 of them are primary jammers. Only 1 of them was present tonight, Gory (who is an amazing jammer and person) had to drop out last minute and Diamond (who is also amazing and commutes from Houston, yes, Houston) had to work.  This scenario kind of forced me to jam a bit more than I had been previously comfortable with. Before the scrimmage, I had set a goal to jam 3 times each half... I ended up jamming every 3rd or 4th jam and with the help of my blockers, got lead several times!

Peacewar was on the opposite team and she was playing every jam! I said a little prayer. And then a miracle happened, second half, she joined our team! I definitely let out a sigh of relief when that change happened.

I skated my hardest. I skated for my trainers.  I skated for all the friends I've made along the way. I skated for myself.

I will probably be sore tomorrow. I had 2 big falls where I fell on my hip. I already see a bruise developing, but for some reason, I don't think it will look as awesome as it feels. (Derby bruises often work that way. It's the ones that just show up from nowhere that are the cooler looking ones.)

Team Taco went to Tamale house for drinks and tacos afterwards and on the drive home, my message feed started going crazy. As soon as I arrived home, I checked my phone for the anticipated e-mail. Nothing. Remembering that this happened last time, I logged on my computer and checked, sure enough, I got a message from Nine that said,

"Congratulations!  You have been drafted to one of the Texas Rollergirls home teams!" 

So that's it. I made it on a team. I get to find out what color I get to upgrade my Skater On Tap bandana to this Sunday.

It broke my heart when I found out about the women who were not drafted. In my mind, I had always thought, that if I made it in, all the others would too. I hope they will take advantage of The Skater on Tap program, which has been key to developing me into a better skater.

Quick shout out to Lethal, OJ, Grit and Mega who did an amazing job training the Homies. I attribute most of my improvement in the past few months to these awesome leaders, along with the other Homies who I had the opportunity to skate with.

The journey does not stop now. It's only begun and it's so exciting!

One More Practice Until The Draft

The timestamp of this picture dates back to Nov. 24, 2013. The person in the background (horrible picture of her, BTW) was the friend (Bad Asstatine) who got me into derby in the first place. This was my first scrimmage after assessing out of primer for the first time. Nathan was just 1 year old. I had just gotten a taste of derby but the season ended, and so I became pregnant with Hannah.

The timestamp from this picture dates back to June of 2016. At this point I had passed through primer again and skated for a few more months before TXRG lost the shed. But I remember one day, our trainer, Mo asked each of us what our derby goals were. One by one, people spouted out their goals: I want to be on the travel team one day; I would like to get on a home team, etc. When it was my turn, I gave my at that time realistic goal of just staying in rec-league to become a better skater. The idea of even skating at the level of my trainers seemed so far away to me. 

Well, fast forward to November of 2019: We have one more practice before I find out if I get drafted as a Texas Rollergirl!

Anxious is probably an understatement.  I can tell when I've been thinking about something a lot because I start to dream about it.  Last night I dreamed about Math Pentathlon (because I'm coaching it and we had a practice today) and the draft. I dreamed that I was the only person not drafted. Yikes! 

I wish I could confidently say that I know that at this moment, I've got what it takes to be drafted. I mean, there are a few girls in the pool who I just know will be drafted. They are just that good. But I have doubt and some insecurities about my abilities.  There are practices where I leave feeling great about what I accomplished that day. (My hockey stops are improving and on slicker floors, I'd say that they are actually pretty good.) But then there are practices where I get blown across the line by Peace War, that I am reminded just how inexperienced of a skater I am.

In the past 6 months (since I last tried out) I've definitely noticed a big improvement in my skills. I am waaaay more stable as a blocker and can do a fair job of defending against a non-travel team skater. I've even become more confident as a jammer as I have become more comfortable on my toe-stops and have become stronger to push through walls.  I am agile. I'm starting to understand more of the big picture of derby, and I know with more game play and spectating, I'll start to be able to come up with strategy in the moment.

We scrimmage this Thursday. I'm going to give it my best. When I jam I'm going to imagine my baby is on the other side and fight. I'm going to track jammers by staying low and stable. I'm going to open up holes for the jammer by playing O. I may  will even hit a friend or two, or three. Oh, and if I make a team, I get to unlock an achievement reward: a new pair of skates.

Thursday. [breathe]

Jammer Focused Practice: Mind Blown!

Happy Birthday, Bohnnes! (It's probably spelled wrong...sorry)

Ya'll! Tonight was probably one of the most pivotal practices that I've had in my derby career. I'm tired, I have a long work day ahead of me tomorrow, but I have to document this before I forget. 

Awesome jammer-specific practice! I wanted to get a picture with Hauss, but she had to rush off to travel team practice. 

 So one of my derby idols, Hauss the Boss, led our practice tonight. I remember seeing her jam in the first derby game ever that I watched on Youtube and I was amazed with her agility, speed and sweepy line to line movements. Fast forward to try-outs, she has been nothing but positivity and encouragement. Unfortunately she is retiring (hopefully she'll come back soon) after this season, but I even had the privilege of chatting with her during a shift at the ticket booth and she is a totally cool chick! Best of luck Hauss, as you do all the adulting things!

Up until today, I have always found it difficult to get past a wall without the help of offense. Taking the line was pretty much a sentence for me to be knocked out of bounds, but today, Hauss broke things down and I feel way more confident taking the line to get past blockers.

You can definitely say that tonight's practice helped me fall in love with jamming a little bit more...

We first talked about ineffective practices of jammers. Then, she showed us a move that helps us move the blockers line to line, but then sets us up in a position to be explosive. You basically do a mohawk and then you put the toe stop down from the non-leading foot. We practiced that going line to line. It was weird at first, because it's the opposite of what I usually do, but I started to see how much more nimble and agile that helped me to be.

Then she taught us how to use the mohawk to whip our hips in front of the blocker, while using our opposite shoulder to catch them.  Essentially, you get to use the blockers momentum of pushing you to propel you forward.

The final skill that she taught us to do extended the previous skill a bit, but this time, getting low and sticking your butt out as you move away from the pack after the whip around.

One of our last drills was led by Lethal, another amazing all around derby player and trainer. She worked with us on juking

At the end of practice, we scrimmaged and I was able to get around the blockers using the skills that I learned tonight. A week ago, if put in the same situation, this would not be the case.

I'm excited to see what other skills are out there for me to pick up. I now feel more confident to jam and that's a win! Thanks Hauss!

The Interviews

So this afternoon, we had the "speed dating" style interviews. We met at the Highball, which is one of the league's sponsors. Each set of team captains sat at a little booth and we all took turns in a rotation and talked with each team for 5 minutes.

The most asked questions are as follows:
- Why Texas Rollergirls?
- Why are you trying out now?
- What sort of cross training do you do outside of derby?
- What can you bring to the team?
- How do you handle conflict and drama?

Other more interesting questions included:
- How do you react when someone makes you angry on the track?
- How do you feel about being told what position to be trained as?
- How do you feel about being a benched player?
- What sort of commitments do you have outside of derby?
- What hobbies do you do outside of derby?
- Would you be willing to lift weights besides doing body pump?

I pretty much kept it real, even exposing some of my weaknesses to the captains when appropriate. I figured, they need to know what they are potentially getting involved with. Being so vulnerable and open about my weaknesses actually affected me more than I thought it would. I think at times we try to bury our weaknesses, focusing on our strengths, so when those weaknesses are brought to the surface, it does not make you feel too fabulous.

The Hells asked me to give them a 1 statement elevator pitch about myself. I was a bit surprised because the other captains basically asked me specific questions for me to answer. Bragging about myself was probably the most nerve-wrecking part of the interviews.

Given some time to think of it, I think this is what mine would be.

I am creative and I like to solve problems. As a "Jack of all trades" who loves to learn and figure out how things work, I always give it my best. 

While we were waiting for our next interview, we had some time to mingle and one of the questions that we discussed was who would be your top choice. Everyone was reluctant to share, but eventually we all did. I already had given some thought about who would be a good fit on what team, so to hear their answers was kind of a neat confirmation of my suspicions.  (My predictions for the mid-season try outs were mostly wrong, but it's fun to think about.)

When I went into the interviews, I also went in with the mindset of figuring out what role each team could potentially play in my derby journey and interestingly, I've come to conclude that each team would contribute something very different to my growth path... which is pretty amazing in itself.

All this speculation is fun and super exciting, but I need to get drafted first.

6 more practices.

-