Mash-Up Fun

So this past weekend, I had the opportunity to skate in a mashup hosted by our sister league to the north, Rockin' City Rollergirls.

I was a bit unsure about skating with fishnets on, but the only annoying part was that the velcro from my wrist guards kept snagging on them.

Overall, I had a lot of fun. It was a mashup, so we had a range from fairly fresh meat up until Team Texas travel team skaters present at the game. We did a 5 line and just kept cycling through. I ended up alternating jamming and blocking when it was my turn to play, I think ideally, that's what I like to do, jam a little and block a little. So, maybe I'll make a good relief jammer?

I played on the same team as my teammate, Durty and she also mentioned the same thing. I guess I've put so much pressure on myself to skate hard first to get drafted, and now to prove my worth to my team (which I know is soooo unecessary, but it's totally self-imposed), that I've not felt the fun part about playing a game. I wasn't being judged this game, I didn't need to prove myself to anyone, and I felt successful most of the time. I think all of this contributed to the fun factor.

I went into the game with 2 goals for each of the positions that I would play:

Jammer goals:
Juke and move feet and use speed changes at tripods and don't get knocked out at the top of the pack.
I Think I did fairly well at juking and quickly moving my feet. And I did stop my momentum a couple of times at the front of the pack and got out - but I also did get knocked out about equally. 

Blocker goals:
Stay with a buddy and block/play offense low and dig hard. I think I was actually pretty successful in all of these areas. Never was I alone, and I was able to contain and track lots of jammers multiple times.

Offensive Blocker goals:
Break formations and contain to clear lane for jammer. I was actually kind of glad to have just practiced containing and playing offense this past week at practice, so it was nice being able to put those into action. 

Overall, the game was a comfortable level of game play for me. I was able to feel effective with the current skillset that I have. Now that I've had this confidence boost, time to amp up the intensity and become more confident to play at the level of my league-mates.

Tear gave me some homework to work on and so tonight, I watched the last BOTAS Texas vs. Montana game at half speed and pause to predict what was going to happen. I'm going to continue doing this so that I can just learn the game even better.

***
At the afterparty, I got a chance to talk with some of the skaters I used to skate in rec league when I started out the first time. I also got a chance to talk with a retired heartbreaker, who is super fun and cool. One of them mentioned that I am the last home grown skater to have been drafted onto a home team. While it is true, I don't want it to stay that way. Hopefully our rec program will be able to start up soon and will attract a new wave of derby players. Derby just makes life better!

I also got a chance to watch a juniors game and that was so inspiring to watch. While skating around in their awkward-because-still-growing bodies, I thought about how many of the skaters who are thriving in derby would've never been able to play any other more traditional sports that are available to kids that way. What an empowering thing; another reason why derby makes life better!

Go Away, Negative Self-Talk!

The 30 minute drive back home tonight was rough. Not gonna lie. Tonight we worked on how to maintain your formation against offense. I was a blocker. I pretty much sucked.

I'm trying to process all the feelings and I think it boils down to these points:

• I'm feeling frustrated because I'm not good at derby yet. I've basically jumped from playing at a level equivalent to middle school baseball to playing at the level  of  the minor league (with major league players included) in about 6 months. Self doubt about me not being ready for the premier league creeps in on days like these. I really have to be careful about not thinking that everyone is at a higher experience level. Instead, I need to see this as a growing opportunity. 
• I don't want to be the weakest link on the team. I've always been at least above average at everything that I've done and being the worst at this point isn't the best feeling. Thoughts about my teammates wondering if drafting me was the right choice definitely creeps in all the time. And then in a post practice chat, my captain tells me tonight that everyone on the team has patience for me and that I should just keep working and learning at my own pace. That was exactly what I needed to hear. 

So really, after processing everything, it all boils down to a pride thing. I want to look good, I want to be good like...now.

But this is a really good reminder to myself and a great lesson to show my kids how being good at something comes from hard work. My 7 and 5 year old have been working on martial arts for a year now. My 7 year old was convinced that after 1 year of training, he can take down any bad guy if he needed to. So we both have gotten good reality checks lately. 

Roller derby has really brought out the insecurities that I've had about myself that I've maybe covered up for many years. The effects of having non-involved parents, not living or attending the same school for more than 2 years at a time, I realized, has made me very insecure about myself, and more specifically I have self-esteem issues to the point where I often wonder why anyone would want to be my friend. 

But I have to realize that my worth does not come from other people. I don't have to do things for them, or be like them for them to call me friend. My worth comes from the one who has created me. I am a hard worker who is faithful to whatever I get involved in. I need to remember to just be myself and try my best and that's all I really have to do. 

Anyways, in the meantime, I'm going to just keep skating.

I signed up for a mash-up so I'm super excited to get more playtime. I'm sure I'll make a post about it afterwards. 

Learning the Ropes Still

Do you remember when you first started to drive and everything you did from staying in the lane, applying the breaks, to finding the blinkers took a conscious effort on your part? At this point, playing roller derby still feels like that. I'm still waiting for the moment when things just click and become second nature.

For example, the past 2 practices, the coaches have me trying out the role of jammer more. On the track, it just feels crazy. I'm looking for holes, I have people blocking me, I have people pushing me, there's the other jammer that I have to keep an eye on, and then there's my pivot that I also have to be aware of. It's overwhelming at times. I know I have a lot to work on: move my feet more, hit the wall with more force, get low, just to name a few. And sometimes I just don't even know where to start.

It was definitely helpful today when Hauss pulled me aside and told me that I need to focus on not getting hit out, especially when I'm at the front of the pack. Ok, after a few rounds, I'm more conscious about it and then in a jam where I got out of the pack, I got hit out again at the apex by a rogue blocker. She then pulled me aside and said that I now need to work on not getting hit out at the apex when I exit the pack.

Just having someone tell me what to focus on is so helpful. One day, I'll become awesome at more things and will probably be able to see where I need to improve, but right now as I have lots of things to work on, it's definitely nice to have some just tell me what the next best thing to improve is.