One More Practice Until The Draft

The timestamp of this picture dates back to Nov. 24, 2013. The person in the background (horrible picture of her, BTW) was the friend (Bad Asstatine) who got me into derby in the first place. This was my first scrimmage after assessing out of primer for the first time. Nathan was just 1 year old. I had just gotten a taste of derby but the season ended, and so I became pregnant with Hannah.

The timestamp from this picture dates back to June of 2016. At this point I had passed through primer again and skated for a few more months before TXRG lost the shed. But I remember one day, our trainer, Mo asked each of us what our derby goals were. One by one, people spouted out their goals: I want to be on the travel team one day; I would like to get on a home team, etc. When it was my turn, I gave my at that time realistic goal of just staying in rec-league to become a better skater. The idea of even skating at the level of my trainers seemed so far away to me. 

Well, fast forward to November of 2019: We have one more practice before I find out if I get drafted as a Texas Rollergirl!

Anxious is probably an understatement.  I can tell when I've been thinking about something a lot because I start to dream about it.  Last night I dreamed about Math Pentathlon (because I'm coaching it and we had a practice today) and the draft. I dreamed that I was the only person not drafted. Yikes! 

I wish I could confidently say that I know that at this moment, I've got what it takes to be drafted. I mean, there are a few girls in the pool who I just know will be drafted. They are just that good. But I have doubt and some insecurities about my abilities.  There are practices where I leave feeling great about what I accomplished that day. (My hockey stops are improving and on slicker floors, I'd say that they are actually pretty good.) But then there are practices where I get blown across the line by Peace War, that I am reminded just how inexperienced of a skater I am.

In the past 6 months (since I last tried out) I've definitely noticed a big improvement in my skills. I am waaaay more stable as a blocker and can do a fair job of defending against a non-travel team skater. I've even become more confident as a jammer as I have become more comfortable on my toe-stops and have become stronger to push through walls.  I am agile. I'm starting to understand more of the big picture of derby, and I know with more game play and spectating, I'll start to be able to come up with strategy in the moment.

We scrimmage this Thursday. I'm going to give it my best. When I jam I'm going to imagine my baby is on the other side and fight. I'm going to track jammers by staying low and stable. I'm going to open up holes for the jammer by playing O. I may  will even hit a friend or two, or three. Oh, and if I make a team, I get to unlock an achievement reward: a new pair of skates.

Thursday. [breathe]